I wish I could punch you in the face.
okay pat passed out under dana's car
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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