I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
