is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
I did not marry a roomba.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
