im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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