I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
