a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
