Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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