she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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