I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
