No awkward lesbian experiences without me
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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