I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize