Heybabeimwearingurpanties
you win again, gameday.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
