Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
