I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
