I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
