Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
