So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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