The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
