I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
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