I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Last time i carry you out of a forest
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
