no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
