Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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