I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Do vagina's smell?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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