you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
The Olympian is in my bed
Randomize
