he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Randomize
