Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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