the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
