That's intense
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
