Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
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