Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
