that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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