Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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