a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I think we might need a safe word for this...
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