I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
