put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I am in a vortex of obligation.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Randomize
