one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
