You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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