I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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