So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
