community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Randomize
