mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
