It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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