You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
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