Christians are straight up FREAKS
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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