My hair reeks of homosexuality.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize