You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Randomize
