I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
