Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
