Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
