I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
