Acid is not a monday night drug
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Randomize
