every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
