I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
