Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
