the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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