She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
