You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
