Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
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