I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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