swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
COCAINE IS GR8
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
