Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
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