you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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