he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
