Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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