I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
