I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
