there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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