My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
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I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
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I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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