I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
