it wasn't lemon gatorade
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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