Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
