You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Randomize
